They Told Me I Was Talented. Why Am I Failing Now?
Giftedness and high intelligence are often perceived as exceptional qualities that provide students with an easier and faster path to education. However, as many gifted students discover during their studies, this advantage can also be a burden. The idea that being gifted automatically means success is simplistic and does not take into account the specific challenges these individuals face. In this article, we will take a closer look at the different challenges that giftedness brings with it and what can help overcome them.
The Woes of the Gifted – Or Why They Can Fail
- Over-Expectation: One of the main problems that gifted students face is over-expectation—both from themselves and from those around them. Gifted individuals are often pushed (often by themselves) to excel at everything they put their minds to. This can lead to unrealistic goals and subsequent frustration if they are unable to live up to these expectations. Anything that doesn’t meet their standards leads to dissatisfaction.
- Perfectionism: Perfectionism is widespread among the gifted. It can lead to excessive stress and anxiety as gifted individuals strive to achieve perfection in everything they do. Because of perfectionism, they see how even good work could be improved. This pressure to perform can lead to frustration and feelings of failure, even when they are objectively achieving excellent results.
- Fear of Failure: Gifted students are often not used to making mistakes and failing. From primary school onwards, they learn well without having to expend too much energy. They are often praised for good results, and their “cleverness” becomes part of their identity. Anything that might interfere with this is seen as a major threat. This becomes apparent when subjects that are more challenging but not in their area of interest start to appear. These subjects are then often fought against or even boycotted. It is easier for them to imagine a worse result and tell themselves they didn’t try harder than to give it their best and still not achieve satisfaction.
- Feeling of Otherness and Loneliness: Gifted students may feel isolated from their peers who do not understand their specific needs and interests. Gifted brains function differently from normal brains, and because of these differences, they may be excluded from the group or even targeted for bullying. In later life, this can cause social anxiety and underdeveloped social skills that make it harder for them to form friendships and romantic relationships.
- Inability to Regulate Emotions: The heightened emotional sensitivity inherent in giftedness can lead to intense emotional reactions that are difficult to control. Conventional advice to regulate emotions often does not work for gifted individuals. They are usually unable to switch off thoughts, which often have several running in their heads at the same time. This makes regulating emotions even more difficult, as a lot of effort has to be made to work with one’s own head.
Strategies for Managing Challenges Faced by Gifted Individuals
- Setting Realistic Expectations: Gifted students should be careful when setting goals. Because of their high standards, they often imagine that the outcome must be perfect. The idea of a perfectly done project becomes a barrier to completing subtasks that are far from that perfection. It is important to realize that it is not possible to excel at everything at once, and that failure is part of learning. Setting realistic expectations can help reduce stress and improve overall feelings of satisfaction.
- Accepting the Good and Bad Aspects of Giftedness: Giftedness comes with both advantages and disadvantages. Accepting both sides of this coin is the key to success. Being aware of your own strengths will help with managing challenges. For example, if loud noises bother you, find a quiet place to work. If procrastination is an issue, ask a friend to keep an eye on you. If you struggle with making mistakes, find an area where you don’t mind so much and practice there. Accepting that we are not perfect and that we have weaknesses can relieve the pressure we put on ourselves.
- Learning to Learn Effectively: Many gifted students have not needed to develop effective learning strategies in elementary and middle school. College may be the first place they encounter the need for systematic learning. It’s perfectly okay if you can’t do it at first. After all, this is a skill that regular students learn from the first grade. The key to effective learning is to set learning goals that are neither too easy (risk of boredom) nor too difficult (risk of frustration). If you are leaving learning to the last minute, it may help to set an earlier deadline with a friend. Even if you don’t meet that deadline to your satisfaction, you will be better off than if you don’t set one at all.
- Working with Frustration: Frustration with things not going as a gifted individual would like is natural. Especially if they know exactly where and how they want to go, but life throws an obstacle in their way. It’s important to learn how to work with this frustration so it doesn’t take control of their life. Frustration can sometimes bring the energy needed to overcome obstacles. Other times it can lead to exhaustion and self-blame. Therefore, it is important to release frustration in healthy ways, such as walking, sports, and relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing. These can help to calm the mind and focus on what is important at the time.
- Understanding the Limits of Motivation: Gifted students are often motivated the moment they imagine the outcome. They get a lot of energy and get down to work. But it is important to remember that motivation will drop off after a while. And if you want to see your project through to your dream goal, there are bound to be obstacles to deal with. At such a time, knowing that your drive won’t be enough and that hard work will be needed instead can help.
Seeking Professional Help: A psychologist or coach can provide valuable insights and strategies for overcoming obstacles. Finding a therapist or coach who understands the unique challenges faced by gifted individuals can be challenging, but it is worth the effort. Professionals who can keep up with the fast pace of a gifted individual’s thoughts and ideas can offer meaningful support. It’s okay to try different professionals until finding the right fit. If unsure where to start, consider reaching out to organizations like CIPS for guidance: Psychological counselling for foreign students – CIPS ČVUT
Bc. Mojmír Mykiska